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I'm Back and Facebook is out

After a long hiatus, I'm back to blogging. I have been encouraged by a friend to start once more. Not everything I write will be a husband wife perspective...the idea of that name came from writing about our experiences abroad. Now that we are stateside, the content will change somewhat. Nonetheless, entertaining, educational, uplifting it will remain!

For the first time in 10 years I deactivated my Facebook account, I never realized how much of a stake it had in my life until I went to deactivate it. A rush of uncertainty and loss overcame me…it left me pondering how something so insignificant could have become such a significant part of me. I suppose I allowed it to become a part of my identity. It was a sacred place where friendships blossomed, were rekindled, or maintained. It was a place that allowed me to be the person I wanted to be and not necessarily the person I am. 

Facebook allowed me to live my best days publically, while allowing me to carefully conceal my most usual days. It gave me a platform to share my ideas and opinions pretty safely, amongst people who usually shared my same view, or if they didn’t, they didn’t say anything. It is a place that allowed me to have a false sense of importance; but really who am I?

 I am so much more than what I portray on Facebook….see, Facebook is just that; a face…a mask….often an illusion of who we really are. Facebook is the face we want to be consistently, but not the face we usually are. I’d be lying to myself and others if I said everything I post on Facebook is as it seems….in fact it’s almost just a moment of what my life really is. 

Like most people, my life has its ups and downs…my children are chaotic and don’t listen on most days. My marriage is beautiful…but messy too (not as perfect as Facebook would portray it). My life with God is present, but not the fueled fire it once was…that is my real reason for leaving Facebook…to rekindle my love and passion for my God, my savior, my Christ. Life and its many idols have captivated my heart and mind and replaced godliness with worldliness.

 If I allowed Facebook to portray me accurately at this very moment it would portray a woman, a mother, a wife who feels lost and concerned about her lost love…Christ. It would portray a woman who has a hard time mothering a very persistent, spirited, independent daughter…a woman who often resorts to raising her voice or instilling fear in her daughter to do what she has been asked to do…one who feels hopeless in leading her daughter toward Christ. If I allowed Facebook to accurately picture me, it would picture a wife who wants so much more from her marriage, but has no energy to put more into it at this moment…while deeply in love I still hunger for more…but how to make time for that more…An accurate picture would show a home that is messy (but clean), unfolded laundry, toys strewn about, a wife in sweats, kids with unkempt hair…that’s what an accurate picture would look like. An accurate picture might leave you wondering, “What do you do all day…”

So yes, saying goodbye to the woman I desire to be consistently was hard. But deactivating is leaving me room to truly become that woman…not just a face of the woman. My life is messy, I’m not perfect, my family certainly isn’t…just know that the moments you see are my best ones, but like you I am human…and while my life is great, it’s not nearly as great as my “face”book would lead you to believe it is.

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