Frustration to the up-most: What we have when we cannot control things in life. When I feel out of control I feel most helpless. I need control, it is my professed weakness. God deals with me constantly in this aspect of my life. This is my wilderness lesson that God repeats year after year in my life. He may spend the next 40 years beating me with this lesson, and I welcome it, because with each beating He opens my eyes. Unfortunately, I cannot understand why the lesson does not sink in so I can move onto a different lesson.
Since arriving in Israel, as many of you know, life has presented us with MANY challenges. I guess I wasn't expecting these challenges. See, the year before my husband and I got married I prayed over every aspect of life by categories (as not to forget anything) every day of every week. Our first year of marriage was so smooth, Josh's basketball contract and everything that went with it was perfect! So I did the same knowing we had baby on the way...and I assumed God would make it as perfect as our first big transition. Well, God had other plans!
God's plans never match mine, but His are always better! I posted last week about being attacked by a dog...well since that attack it has been one blessing after the next. God used that attack to refocus and recenter our unbalanced life.
Like I said, since arriving is Israel things have been "bolligon" Hebrew for chaos! For the past 2 months or more Josh and I have been working on getting things "in order" for when Roselyn arrives. We have decided to "take things into our own control"....We had a huge 'to do' list that we tried getting done on our own (because our management is a bit of a joke). In attempting to 'control' our lives and 'do things on our own' we have neglected, repeatedly, our time with God. We allowed ourselves to become so saturated in accomplishing our 'to do list' that with each failed attempt we spent more time trying to make things work, and leaving less and less time for God...until there was NO God time in our life (I am not joking...the quick, inadequate prayer is all He got from us...or the fall asleep praying prayer).
It was evident that we were lost, frustrated, and our lives were out of control and nothing was getting done. Our every single attempted failed, and when we asked for help those people failed us. THEN, God decided He needed to do something to get our attention...small hints would not have worked.
This is why I am convinced I had to be attacked by that dog. The most praise I had given God in two months came seconds after the dog bite and they have not quit. That attack re-focused our lives. Everything that seemed important was no longer important (the insurance issues to work out for the baby, my visa, paper work for the embassy and department of interior, contacting a pediatrician, making meals and freezing them, getting all of Roselyn's wash done...and the list goes on).
God gave me the ability to 'think' as I was being attacked. I was thinking more clearly than I had in months. During the attack I was telling myself, "do not look the dog in the eye, do not pull away, do not move (when he had my neck) okay NOW stand up, cover you stomach and turn, now walk DON'T turn back, DON'T run, DON'T scream...walk".
I got about 10 yards from the dog and starting praying and and praising, "Lord, don't let the dog chase me! Thank you Lord that he didn't thrash, thank you Lord for keeping my balance and keeping me on my feet, thank you Lord that he did not touch my stomach, thank you Lord that Josh forgot his coat and is inside, thank you the neighbors are home." Then I reached my house....after that would be a million more praises (you can read about in my last blog).
Looking back on that day and where we are today one would not imagine the tremendous blessings we have encountered. What should have/could have complicated my life more (due to all the doctor visits, Health department visits, lawyer visits, plastic surgeon visits... which you need to add to all the doctors visits you have in your last 2 weeks of pregnancy) has actually brought me more peace and focus that I have had since being here.
Since my attack, and putting life on the back burner and only focusing on what God did, Roselyn and myself God is showing me He is in control. I now have a visa appointment, I have my insurance figured out now just the baby's we need to get done, I have the Rh negative vaccine I need for after Rosie is born, we have her shots set up (because we plan on a home birth), everything is ready for the embassy for Roselyn. I had been trying to do these simple tasks for 2 months and NOTHING was working.
When I lost control...I mean REALLY lost control...God stripped me of the little control I THOUGHT I had and shook my foundation to the core...THAT was when HE WAS ABLE TO HAVE THE CONTROL HE WAS MEANT TO HAVE! He showed me in one day that He truly is:
Adonai-Jehovah -- The Lord our Sovereign
El-Elyon -- The Lord Most High
El-Olam -- The Everlasting God
El-Shaddai -- The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People
Jehovah-Elohim -- The Eternal Creator
Jehovah-Jireh -- The Lord our Provider
Jehovah-Nissi -- The Lord our Banner
Jehovah-Ropheka -- The Lord our Healer
Jehovah-Shalom -- The Lord our Peace
Jehovah-Tsidkenu -- The Lord our Righteousness
Jehovah-Mekaddishkem -- The Lord our Sanctifier
Jehovah-Sabaoth -- The Lord of Hosts
Jehovah-Shammah -- The Lord is Present
Jehovah-Rohi -- The Lord our Shepherd
Jehovah-Hoseenu -- The Lord our Maker
Jehovah-Eloheenu -- The Lord our God
He showed me EVERY one of these names for Himself. He has been so good to me, and I am telling you I AM NOT DESERVING!!! It is unfortunate He had to go to this extreme to get my attention, my praise, my re-focused adoration. It is really like God is saying, "ha you thought you had a lot to do before and couldn't get it done on your own....GUESS WHAT, I'm going to DOUBLE the appointments and things you had to 'worry' about and show you HOW I GET IT DONE...NOT YOU DORI, now I am putting too much on your plate for you to deal with, so you sit back and let me do what I told you I will do!!!"...MAN that thought is convicting...
What God teaches me in every trial is that these 'hoops' are not meant to be cursed or hated in our life. They are for a purpose. Each trial is God's way of shaping us, putting us through the fire, and keeping us in His image. We choose how to see the trial and go through it. We can fight it, or trust God....fighting it you will be rebuked; trusting it, you will be blessed. How do you see your tests? Do you curse them? Accept them? Learn from them? or have to relearn them? For me...I accept the trial, but I often spend time later re-learning it...and until I die I will sin, fall short of the glory of God, and be rebuked...BUT I will be loved by God, accepted by God, and one day because of my belief in my savior Jesus Christ, I will reign with my Father in Heaven.
To end, thank you Lord for rebuking me, for bringing me to my knees, for refocusing my life. Though I will not always understand why things happen help me to always remember that You saw each of my days before I lived one. Help me to remember that You will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. Help me to always remember you are my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, and in you I live, and move and breath. For Your Word tells me, I shall overcome, I need not fear, that no weapon born against me shall prosper, I am yours, you have meant for me a hope and a future, I am protected by Your grace which is sufficient in ALL times! Thank you Father! I love you! Amen!
Since arriving in Israel, as many of you know, life has presented us with MANY challenges. I guess I wasn't expecting these challenges. See, the year before my husband and I got married I prayed over every aspect of life by categories (as not to forget anything) every day of every week. Our first year of marriage was so smooth, Josh's basketball contract and everything that went with it was perfect! So I did the same knowing we had baby on the way...and I assumed God would make it as perfect as our first big transition. Well, God had other plans!
God's plans never match mine, but His are always better! I posted last week about being attacked by a dog...well since that attack it has been one blessing after the next. God used that attack to refocus and recenter our unbalanced life.
Like I said, since arriving is Israel things have been "bolligon" Hebrew for chaos! For the past 2 months or more Josh and I have been working on getting things "in order" for when Roselyn arrives. We have decided to "take things into our own control"....We had a huge 'to do' list that we tried getting done on our own (because our management is a bit of a joke). In attempting to 'control' our lives and 'do things on our own' we have neglected, repeatedly, our time with God. We allowed ourselves to become so saturated in accomplishing our 'to do list' that with each failed attempt we spent more time trying to make things work, and leaving less and less time for God...until there was NO God time in our life (I am not joking...the quick, inadequate prayer is all He got from us...or the fall asleep praying prayer).
It was evident that we were lost, frustrated, and our lives were out of control and nothing was getting done. Our every single attempted failed, and when we asked for help those people failed us. THEN, God decided He needed to do something to get our attention...small hints would not have worked.
This is why I am convinced I had to be attacked by that dog. The most praise I had given God in two months came seconds after the dog bite and they have not quit. That attack re-focused our lives. Everything that seemed important was no longer important (the insurance issues to work out for the baby, my visa, paper work for the embassy and department of interior, contacting a pediatrician, making meals and freezing them, getting all of Roselyn's wash done...and the list goes on).
God gave me the ability to 'think' as I was being attacked. I was thinking more clearly than I had in months. During the attack I was telling myself, "do not look the dog in the eye, do not pull away, do not move (when he had my neck) okay NOW stand up, cover you stomach and turn, now walk DON'T turn back, DON'T run, DON'T scream...walk".
I got about 10 yards from the dog and starting praying and and praising, "Lord, don't let the dog chase me! Thank you Lord that he didn't thrash, thank you Lord for keeping my balance and keeping me on my feet, thank you Lord that he did not touch my stomach, thank you Lord that Josh forgot his coat and is inside, thank you the neighbors are home." Then I reached my house....after that would be a million more praises (you can read about in my last blog).
Looking back on that day and where we are today one would not imagine the tremendous blessings we have encountered. What should have/could have complicated my life more (due to all the doctor visits, Health department visits, lawyer visits, plastic surgeon visits... which you need to add to all the doctors visits you have in your last 2 weeks of pregnancy) has actually brought me more peace and focus that I have had since being here.
Since my attack, and putting life on the back burner and only focusing on what God did, Roselyn and myself God is showing me He is in control. I now have a visa appointment, I have my insurance figured out now just the baby's we need to get done, I have the Rh negative vaccine I need for after Rosie is born, we have her shots set up (because we plan on a home birth), everything is ready for the embassy for Roselyn. I had been trying to do these simple tasks for 2 months and NOTHING was working.
When I lost control...I mean REALLY lost control...God stripped me of the little control I THOUGHT I had and shook my foundation to the core...THAT was when HE WAS ABLE TO HAVE THE CONTROL HE WAS MEANT TO HAVE! He showed me in one day that He truly is:
Adonai-Jehovah -- The Lord our Sovereign
El-Elyon -- The Lord Most High
El-Olam -- The Everlasting God
El-Shaddai -- The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People
Jehovah-Elohim -- The Eternal Creator
Jehovah-Jireh -- The Lord our Provider
Jehovah-Nissi -- The Lord our Banner
Jehovah-Ropheka -- The Lord our Healer
Jehovah-Shalom -- The Lord our Peace
Jehovah-Tsidkenu -- The Lord our Righteousness
Jehovah-Mekaddishkem -- The Lord our Sanctifier
Jehovah-Sabaoth -- The Lord of Hosts
Jehovah-Shammah -- The Lord is Present
Jehovah-Rohi -- The Lord our Shepherd
Jehovah-Hoseenu -- The Lord our Maker
Jehovah-Eloheenu -- The Lord our God
He showed me EVERY one of these names for Himself. He has been so good to me, and I am telling you I AM NOT DESERVING!!! It is unfortunate He had to go to this extreme to get my attention, my praise, my re-focused adoration. It is really like God is saying, "ha you thought you had a lot to do before and couldn't get it done on your own....GUESS WHAT, I'm going to DOUBLE the appointments and things you had to 'worry' about and show you HOW I GET IT DONE...NOT YOU DORI, now I am putting too much on your plate for you to deal with, so you sit back and let me do what I told you I will do!!!"...MAN that thought is convicting...
What God teaches me in every trial is that these 'hoops' are not meant to be cursed or hated in our life. They are for a purpose. Each trial is God's way of shaping us, putting us through the fire, and keeping us in His image. We choose how to see the trial and go through it. We can fight it, or trust God....fighting it you will be rebuked; trusting it, you will be blessed. How do you see your tests? Do you curse them? Accept them? Learn from them? or have to relearn them? For me...I accept the trial, but I often spend time later re-learning it...and until I die I will sin, fall short of the glory of God, and be rebuked...BUT I will be loved by God, accepted by God, and one day because of my belief in my savior Jesus Christ, I will reign with my Father in Heaven.
To end, thank you Lord for rebuking me, for bringing me to my knees, for refocusing my life. Though I will not always understand why things happen help me to always remember that You saw each of my days before I lived one. Help me to remember that You will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. Help me to always remember you are my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, and in you I live, and move and breath. For Your Word tells me, I shall overcome, I need not fear, that no weapon born against me shall prosper, I am yours, you have meant for me a hope and a future, I am protected by Your grace which is sufficient in ALL times! Thank you Father! I love you! Amen!
Comments
Post a Comment