February 8th has long since passed...it is now the 13th...I am beginning to feel like a failure. Why hasn't my body began working to get this baby out? Josh was away at practice and so I decided to drown my sorrows with a hot bath.
As I sat and thought about the possibility of not having a home birth as planned due to what could be an induction I began to cry. I had this dream, this vision how how great this birth would be. I dreamed for years of a water birth, a home birth...the relaxing environment a healthy baby...and now I am faced with the potentiality of being forced to deliver in what I consider to be a cold, medical environment.
I sat there and cried out to God. For 9 months I had prayed for the perfect day. I prayed the night before labor I would get a great nights rest, and He would wake me with contractions in the early morning around 5:30-6 and that she would be here by noon-1pm...I was CONVINCED she would be here by now. As I cried out I heard God's gentle reminders that HE chose the day of her birth not doctors...and that HE appointed a time and that time had not come yet...and that I needed to be still and know that He is God! As comforting as that may be to many...for some reason that night I found no comfort in those promptings...just more tears. I think I had convinced myself that she was never coming!
Josh came home and he could tell I was 'having a day'. When he asked if I wanted to talk I just cried. That night we prayed and I went to sleep early.
That following morning around 5:40 I was awakened by a rather strong contraction. I knew it was not a normal contraction. Then again at 5:45 another...I was pretty sure this was it! I woke Josh up to tell him...but told him to lay back down. By 6am, and the next contraction I KNEW this must be it... but I prayed again, "Lord please let this be the day"! Josh of course couldn't sleep so around we got ready and left for the birth center at 8am and got there around 8:30 (there was lots of traffic).
Once at the birth center, my midwife checked me, I was dilated 6/7..I couldn't believe it, there was not much pain up to now and I wasn't in labor more than a few hours...how could I be this far already? I was getting excited! I decided to relax in the birthing tub for a bit...then I got bored there and decided to sit on the ball...this is when things got kicked up a notch...to the point of 'no return'. After 20 minutes of hanging out in the livingroom with my crew I decided I wanted alone time with Josh so soak it all in before I hit 'screaming banche mode'.
Josh and I went into the bedroom and he held me while we relaxed on the biggest bean bag ever! He talked me through each contraction and we rubbed my tummy together. He was praying over me the entire time and speaking positivity into my ear...holding me and encouraging me each step of the way. When the pain began to feel intolerable I stood up and had my arms around him (like a slow dance position from our wedding night :)...he pressed on my lower back as I swayed from side to side. Slowly we made our way back into the bathroom and back into the birthing tub, I knew my time was very close.
It is now 12pm, I said another prayer, "Lord remember I asked for months between now and 1...this is getting hard please bring me my baby". Things started getting intense and I needed to release the tension I was feeling...I decided moaning helped..then I decided screaming felt much more therapeutic....so with each of the final 6 contractions I let my animalistic being take over. I knew God created this body to give birth and to do it with out medication...I had to find my inner animal...poor Josh, at this point I am sure he thought 'IF SHE DOESN'T WANT THE SHOT GIVE IT TO ME!' ha.
Now, I have had 3 strong contractions where I pushed but not hard...I was scared...then on the third contraction I felt Rosie's head engage...and I knew it was game time!!! I said to God, "Lord I have 3 pushes in me..that is all I have, if you don't bring her in three with me, you have to bring her out on your own!" Clearly he knew I only had 3 good pushes. Push one, ring of fire push two head out push three entire body out....sigh of relief and baby girl in my arms!
"Praise you Jesus, Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus....these are the only things I could get out of my mouth for a solid minute...finally after thanking God I looked down at my baby girl and thought HOLY COW SHE IS HUGE! I kissed her and looked at amazement at what God had just allowed me to do! I had prayed for a small baby...6.5-7.1lbs. When I saw her I knew she was over 8lbs..I had no clue she was almost 9lbs! I prayed for a small baby because I didn't want to have to go to a hospital to be stitched....well God is great because I didn't need a single stitch and she was a big baby!
I remember Josh saying as he saw her head crown, "D you're doing it...this is so amazing...wow this is so amazing...come on love, get her out!" I heard tears in his voice..and then on the final push when she made her entrance I heard the tears in his voice and turned to see them on his cheeks as he welcomed his daughter. That was the most amazing feeling...to see the instant connection Josh had with Roselyn...no doubt it was love at first sight. In that moment God's love for us was magnified...her birth was the best expression of His love that he could give us on Valentines day.
I have always loved Valentines day...now I love it even more!
Oh I forgot to mention...Josh had a game this day. His coach and managers kept calling him, pushing him to leave us and come to the game...I encouraged him to do what he wanted and that either way I would support him...deep down I wanted him to stay.
Finally, Josh got fed up with it all...the texts, the phone calls and he told the coach in the future when I look back I won't regret missing this game, but I will regret not being with my wife and child...I'm not coming to the game. The managers hung up on him, sent him nasty texts, and the coach displayed his disappointment. I was so bitter with them for trying to steal my husband's joy...in the end...there is no stealing the joy that God gives you unless you allow for it to be stolen. Josh stayed and we enjoyed a lovely first night as a family.
Oh forgot to mention...the birth center almost caught fire twice; once while in labor and once just after giving birth...the first time Josh almost burnt it down :)...the second time the air conditioner exploded sending the side into flames...thank God my midwife's husband could put it out with the extinguisher! All around and interesting day! I guess you could say, Rosie really 'warmed' our hearts that day!
Just praising God for giving me my dream labor and birth...and above all a healthy, beautiful, chunky little girl! And praising Him for my husband....who without this natural birth would have been impossible. Thank you love for being my cheerleader...I have always been used to cheering you on...it was nice being the star of the game :)! I love you JDG and RSG!!!
As I sat and thought about the possibility of not having a home birth as planned due to what could be an induction I began to cry. I had this dream, this vision how how great this birth would be. I dreamed for years of a water birth, a home birth...the relaxing environment a healthy baby...and now I am faced with the potentiality of being forced to deliver in what I consider to be a cold, medical environment.
I sat there and cried out to God. For 9 months I had prayed for the perfect day. I prayed the night before labor I would get a great nights rest, and He would wake me with contractions in the early morning around 5:30-6 and that she would be here by noon-1pm...I was CONVINCED she would be here by now. As I cried out I heard God's gentle reminders that HE chose the day of her birth not doctors...and that HE appointed a time and that time had not come yet...and that I needed to be still and know that He is God! As comforting as that may be to many...for some reason that night I found no comfort in those promptings...just more tears. I think I had convinced myself that she was never coming!
Josh came home and he could tell I was 'having a day'. When he asked if I wanted to talk I just cried. That night we prayed and I went to sleep early.
That following morning around 5:40 I was awakened by a rather strong contraction. I knew it was not a normal contraction. Then again at 5:45 another...I was pretty sure this was it! I woke Josh up to tell him...but told him to lay back down. By 6am, and the next contraction I KNEW this must be it... but I prayed again, "Lord please let this be the day"! Josh of course couldn't sleep so around we got ready and left for the birth center at 8am and got there around 8:30 (there was lots of traffic).
Once at the birth center, my midwife checked me, I was dilated 6/7..I couldn't believe it, there was not much pain up to now and I wasn't in labor more than a few hours...how could I be this far already? I was getting excited! I decided to relax in the birthing tub for a bit...then I got bored there and decided to sit on the ball...this is when things got kicked up a notch...to the point of 'no return'. After 20 minutes of hanging out in the livingroom with my crew I decided I wanted alone time with Josh so soak it all in before I hit 'screaming banche mode'.
Josh and I went into the bedroom and he held me while we relaxed on the biggest bean bag ever! He talked me through each contraction and we rubbed my tummy together. He was praying over me the entire time and speaking positivity into my ear...holding me and encouraging me each step of the way. When the pain began to feel intolerable I stood up and had my arms around him (like a slow dance position from our wedding night :)...he pressed on my lower back as I swayed from side to side. Slowly we made our way back into the bathroom and back into the birthing tub, I knew my time was very close.
It is now 12pm, I said another prayer, "Lord remember I asked for months between now and 1...this is getting hard please bring me my baby". Things started getting intense and I needed to release the tension I was feeling...I decided moaning helped..then I decided screaming felt much more therapeutic....so with each of the final 6 contractions I let my animalistic being take over. I knew God created this body to give birth and to do it with out medication...I had to find my inner animal...poor Josh, at this point I am sure he thought 'IF SHE DOESN'T WANT THE SHOT GIVE IT TO ME!' ha.
Now, I have had 3 strong contractions where I pushed but not hard...I was scared...then on the third contraction I felt Rosie's head engage...and I knew it was game time!!! I said to God, "Lord I have 3 pushes in me..that is all I have, if you don't bring her in three with me, you have to bring her out on your own!" Clearly he knew I only had 3 good pushes. Push one, ring of fire push two head out push three entire body out....sigh of relief and baby girl in my arms!
"Praise you Jesus, Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus....these are the only things I could get out of my mouth for a solid minute...finally after thanking God I looked down at my baby girl and thought HOLY COW SHE IS HUGE! I kissed her and looked at amazement at what God had just allowed me to do! I had prayed for a small baby...6.5-7.1lbs. When I saw her I knew she was over 8lbs..I had no clue she was almost 9lbs! I prayed for a small baby because I didn't want to have to go to a hospital to be stitched....well God is great because I didn't need a single stitch and she was a big baby!
I remember Josh saying as he saw her head crown, "D you're doing it...this is so amazing...wow this is so amazing...come on love, get her out!" I heard tears in his voice..and then on the final push when she made her entrance I heard the tears in his voice and turned to see them on his cheeks as he welcomed his daughter. That was the most amazing feeling...to see the instant connection Josh had with Roselyn...no doubt it was love at first sight. In that moment God's love for us was magnified...her birth was the best expression of His love that he could give us on Valentines day.
I have always loved Valentines day...now I love it even more!
Oh I forgot to mention...Josh had a game this day. His coach and managers kept calling him, pushing him to leave us and come to the game...I encouraged him to do what he wanted and that either way I would support him...deep down I wanted him to stay.
Finally, Josh got fed up with it all...the texts, the phone calls and he told the coach in the future when I look back I won't regret missing this game, but I will regret not being with my wife and child...I'm not coming to the game. The managers hung up on him, sent him nasty texts, and the coach displayed his disappointment. I was so bitter with them for trying to steal my husband's joy...in the end...there is no stealing the joy that God gives you unless you allow for it to be stolen. Josh stayed and we enjoyed a lovely first night as a family.
Oh forgot to mention...the birth center almost caught fire twice; once while in labor and once just after giving birth...the first time Josh almost burnt it down :)...the second time the air conditioner exploded sending the side into flames...thank God my midwife's husband could put it out with the extinguisher! All around and interesting day! I guess you could say, Rosie really 'warmed' our hearts that day!
Just praising God for giving me my dream labor and birth...and above all a healthy, beautiful, chunky little girl! And praising Him for my husband....who without this natural birth would have been impossible. Thank you love for being my cheerleader...I have always been used to cheering you on...it was nice being the star of the game :)! I love you JDG and RSG!!!
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